My whole entire life I’ve felt smack-dab in the middle, of everything. Not the kind of middle you’re thinking of but the kind of middle where there’s a scale from 1-10 and you’re a 5. Are you a tomboy or a girly-girl? Do you think you’re more of a city or country person? Are you nerdy or popular? Are you a morning person or a night owl? Guys, I’m just figuring out that I have been rocking the middle my entire life and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to be one or the other! DID YOU KNOW THAT? Yup, it’s perfectly ok to be right in the middle and rock 11 am like nobody’s business.
Let me further explain myself. Apparently turning 25 or the thought of doing so, spun me into this “quarter-life crisis.” And given that I’m 26 now, I think I’m starting to get a grip on things and who I am but man, the last 6 months of 24 and the whole year of being 25 were just no fun. I was feeling the pressure of life and the labels and opinions that everyone feels like they need to throw at you. In case you didn’t know, opinions are like assholes and everybody has one. I was even feeling the pressure of the goals and checklists that I had given myself to complete by a certain time. It’s funny when you think you have a plan for your life, God usually comes in and wrecks it. I had this cookie-cutter shape that I felt my life was supposed to fit in and guess what? It wasn’t. I was doing everything in my power to shove the pieces back inside the lines and I was the most unhappy I had ever been. So Gene and I had a conversation and threw our plan away, sold our house and moved across the state with little to no idea what was going to happen. And it took me up until this weekend to see that we’re right in the middle of where we should be.
We currently live in Dallas but went over to Fort Worth to celebrate Gene’s 30th birthday. And something that people always asked/told us when we moved here was “Are you going to live in Dallas or Ft. Worth?” or “O, you should move to Ft. Worth, you won’t fit in in Dallas” or “You’ll love Dallas, you can sip cosmos from your balcony and watch all the people down below you.” Well, I would like to say that after being in Dallas for over 3 months now, I have yet to see 1 person sipping a cosmo (shocking I know and yes someone really told me this, not even playing). And this weekend I had a lightbulb during our Uber back from Fort Worth-we don’t have to “be” either! We can live in Dallas and love Fort Worth. I can be a city girl that loves to write my blog in hipster coffee shops, and I can go to the Stockyards with my boots on and two-step with an old cowboy in a pearl snap shirt. I can be apart of both worlds and you know what that makes me? Adaptable. It means my soul has 2 loves, 2 places that it calls home, 2 places of happiness and that is perfectly acceptable. Both are me.
So in the midst of my so-called identity crisis I’ve had to do some soul-searching and figure out what my true loves are. What does Jennifer like and want? Because in the midst of being “adaptable” I also somewhat lost myself in trying to please others. I live for Texas country music but I’m also a self-acclaimed rapper(who wishes she could’ve seen Kanye last night). I like to drink beer at baseball games and play fantasy football but love a glass of wine at a rooftop bar. I could rock some Louboutins (which I do not own but if you want to send me some feel free-size 39-8 1/2 US) or some Old Navy flip flops. I’m basically Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride when she’s trying all the different types of eggs to see which way she actually likes them, because she’s always ordered whatever her fiancé’s favorite is. *Notice how nonchalantly I say that, “I’m basically Julia Roberts”-HA! I wish!* She has no idea what she actually likes or wants. And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, stop right now and go watch that movie. It’s almost as good as Pretty Woman. And if you’ve never heard of Pretty Woman well, I’m not sure we can be friends. But it’s actually a pretty cool process though. It’s like I’m getting to know myself for the first time and also revisiting a past “me.”
Why does any of this matter to you? Well, it doesn’t have to. This either resonates with you or it doesn’t. But I will challenge you to look at the labels or Post-Its that people have placed on you. What are they? Why have you let them define you? Because whether we like to admit it or not, we all have labels that haunt us. Maybe you’ve even put some on yourself or put some tape over the ones that are falling off because you think they need to be there. The truth is, they don’t. You don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be. Period. It’s actually quite freeing when you stop caring about what others think of you or what you think you should be. Because even if you find yourself exactly in the middle-the middle isn’t such a scary place to be.